That Awkward Moment

My neurologist is a lovely woman in her 30’s. Being her patient makes me feel that I still have time to make something of myself, or better yet, that if I get to know her, I will somehow contract her success like a disease. I’m confident that one day we will tour the nation sharing our, or rather, her knowledge while dramatically changing lives. Being her patient will propel me to stardom…I can just feel it. (In an effort to be completely transparent about the level of my delusional day dreaming I must admit that I believe the same thing would happen if I ever had the opportunity to hang out with Steve Nash or Jewel for a day.)
My future touring partner recently had her first baby and when I went in for my quarterly appointment I had a bit of a cough. I spent the entire appointment feeling guilty that I was exposing her to my cold. I worried that my germs would be carried home to her newborn and that in turn this would hinder the rapport we would need to establish prior to traveling the country sharing our transformative message. The appointment was brief, and as my Dr. walked me out and shook my hand I left her with this sound advice, “make sure you wash your hands.” Like a Jewish mother frantically calls her adult son on a Saturday afternoon to tell him that gum disease runs in the family, therefore he must floss every day, or a conservative father tells his 30-something divorced daughter that no guy will buy the cow if he can get the milk for free, I advised my Dr. to wash her hands!
I was so embarrassed by my unnecessary counsel that at my next appointment (weeks later) I brought up the exchange and apologized for being dictatorial, and then with all the accountability I could muster, I blamed my bossiness on my childhood. In my defense, I was the only girl of 4 and with 2 brothers 11 and 13 years older than me, I had a lot of disciplinarians at home. Consequently, I used play time with my friends to exhibit control or more kindly referred to as leadership. I’m told that I would direct everyone to sit in a line and then proceed to “teach” them. I’m sure this included tips on how to avoid spankings, how to secretly feed vegetables to the dog, and what to do when your parents threaten to “pull over the car!” After my sincere apology and even more sincere justification, she assured me that she didn’t think a thing of it. Of course we all know that she went home that night and told her husband about the unusually wise patient who advised her to wash her hands. I imagine their conversation snowballed into, “I bet she reminds her pastor to pray, tells her therapist to practice reflection, and advises her personal trainer to stay hydrated!” So, as I received my treatment, I thought long and hard about how I could make light of our last encounter and “totally redeem myself!” As my lovely neurologist walked me out and shook my hand, I let my wit loose on her and said, “and you can do whatever you want with your hands!” And that’s the story of the time I unintentionally hit on my neurologist.

33 thoughts on “That Awkward Moment

  1. Omg Renee’!! I love it! I literally laughed out loud throughout! You have such a flow with you’re writing and I love the intertwined humor! Of course I personally loved the reference to Steve Nash and Jewel! Lol Love it! I would read your blog even if I didn’t know you!! 🙂

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  2. I enjoyed this a lot Renee !! It was like you were standing in my living room and telling your really funny story. Keep it up friend. There’s potential here.

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    • Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog Terry and for your feedback. What you said about standing in your living room and telling my story is EXACTLY what I was going for when I decided to start this blog, so that meant a lot to me to hear! Your support and encouragement means the world!

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  3. I have to say that your story telling is hilarious there is no better way to relay hilarity than to report on life’s passing moments!
    You reminde of one of my favorite authors; and if she were alive I am sure Erma would say; this girls got it!!
    Keep posting little miss Bossy and I’ll keep sharing!

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    • Ellen, thank you so very much for your support and encouragement! You are an incredibly special person in my life and I’m so thankful for you! I would LOVE to see you start a blog as I enjoy every FaceBook post you’ve ever written. You have a gift lady!!

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  4. Renee,
    You are one of the best and strongest women that I have ever met. I’m so proud of you for turning these events into something positive. Though, I must admit that it is just like you to do so.
    Clarice

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  5. This was so witty and refreshing and I just loved reading it. I see this is your first post – I’m eager to read more from you. Thanks to my cousin Kate for sharing your writing. Blogger to blogger – well done.

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    • Thank you so very much for the encouragement Chris! Hitting that “post” button was a scary and very naked moment! I’m thankful to have your support!

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  6. So I confess to being that Jewish mother who told her son he should go to the dentist more often than every five years for a cleaning and maybe even floss, because his father has serious periodontal disease and has suffered from it since he was a young man. Parents do those silly things, like run interference and protect their children. This occurs even when their children are mature adults, well-educated and have children of their own. Unfortunately for the grown children, this will continue until their parents are no longer on this earth. As far as that conservative father who told his adult daughter about cows and milk, I wouldn’t rule out a liberal father doing the same thing. After all that “little” girl is his sun and moon. Finally, if your doctor has to be told to wash her hands, find another doctor.

    Great job Renee. Keep it up.

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    • Thanks Camille. I actually debated saying “any” father versus conservative father 🙂 I completely agree with you on that! Thankfully my doctor does not need to be told what she should do with her hands 🙂

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