Label This Mommy to Be

I’ve recently had the pleasure of being told that I’m Advanced Maternal Age, which in acronym form (AMA) is often interpreted as Against Medical Advice. I also had a young maternal aged ultrasound technician tell me that technically the medical field calls it Elderly Maternal Age, just not to our faces (smart!!). I suppose I can give them credit for softening the blow by using the term advanced versus elderly, but I have some proposals that I believe should be seriously considered by the medical community:

State of the Art Maternal Age
Modern Maternal Age
Leading-Edge Maternal Age

or leave age out of it completely and call it:

Maternal Maturity
Maternal Ambition
Maternal Master
Prepared Pregnancy

I will admit I have a favorite that I have shared with every Dr., NP, nurse, and ultrasound tech I’ve seen, and when I say “shared” I mean I told them to call me this from now on. I kindly and non-hormonally insist on being called Distinguished Maternal Age. It has a sophisticated and classy ring to it that doesn’t make me want to run to WebMD and research every possible ailment my “advanced” body or baby might incur in the next 10 months.

As much as I appreciate the constant reminder of why I should feel anxious about this pregnancy this is an example of how harmful labels can be. I find it curiously amusing that every health care professional tells me how important it is to stay calm and avoid stress and anxiety while I’m pregnant, yet they trip over their own feet scrambling to grab their prescription pads as soon as the number “35” comes out of my mouth. With the amount of blood draws, and finger pricks, and UA’s, and ultrasounds I’ve had in just 4.5 months I’m surprised they don’t call it Defying the Odds, Reckless, Throwing Caution to the Wind, Ballsy Maternal Age.

If you must “call” us something then I’m requesting it be something that doesn’t instantly fill us with the fear of God. Distinguished Maternal Age makes me feel like I should be sitting in a posh garden coffee house reading about the philosophy of parenting and blogging, which is what I happen to be doing right now thank you very much. I am so distinguished!

7 thoughts on “Label This Mommy to Be

  1. Once again, your story has left me smiling! Distinguished?! I wholeheartedly agree; unless they wish to refer to elderly people in your age range as “Been there; done that and can do it again with my yes closed Maternal Age”…
    Go get em Ne’ ! anxiously awaiting the reveal!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Go get Em for sure! I gave birth to our son when I was 37. Brush it all off and continue being the badass, confident woman and mom that you are! So happy you are blogging again! Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m 32 weeks pregnant and 36 years old. Even though I already knew I’d passed that threshold (or desolate waste land) of “35” it still stung when the nurse first called me “AMA.” She tried to play it cool and muttered almost embarrassingly that “AMA” merely meant “Advanced Maternal Age”and that all of these “tests” she was talking about were toootes optional. After hearing my new “AMA” moniker, I spent an entire month convincing myself that I do, in fact, have a baby with chicken feet, an ear growing from its forehead, and all the chromosomal abnormalities possible…not to mention, what’s that? Is that the sound of my elderly bones crumbling beneath my flesh as Baby sucks the life out of me? Then I calmed down, declined most of the tests, and resumed being myself again, which, obviously, means I regained my sanity and identity as “DISTINGUISHED Maternal Age” as you brilliantly call it! 🙂 They really do need another name!

    Liked by 1 person

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